A Letter to Myself (and to My Inner Critic)

I see your progress, and I hear your self-judgment. Let’s write today, even if it’s just for twenty five minutes.

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

I am stressed tonight, it is hard to sit down and write. It is hard to write with the intention to click ‘publish.’ Especially when everything that comes out is raw and without a point and… I don’t know, it is words and words.

Released.

Release.

I write and my fingers are hesitating, typing and deleting, and the editing voice is interfering, second-guessing everything.

I sit hunched and stiff looking at the screen, I am judging myself judging myself, and —

Here is a letter to myself

Dear Yael,

This is a shitty first draft. It’s a free-write, it’s a brainstorm. It’s asking you to let go. Surrender, soften. You can’t control it, you will learn and practice and make it better. You are on the path. I promise. I don’t make many promises. But trust me, or really, trust yourself.

You are on the path, on your path. And I am proud of you.

I am proud of you for showing up. I am proud of you for writing, this word, and this one. You are doing great. You are being yourself. You, one part of you, might judge those words, I hear you, judge and critic. Show yourself.

What the inner critic says:

You sound stupid and cliched and fuck I can’t believe you are writing about ‘doing great’ and ‘being yourself’ and why are you putting this on the internet, who cares?? and you didn’t finish putting away the clothing, why are you so disorganized, and stop holding your muscles tightly it’s your fault there is tension, why can’t you relax? it’s your fault your stomach is upset today too, why did you fuck it up, and you ate too much, and you gained weight, and why didn’t you figure out (x) yet? also you still sound stupid, and shame shame, and…

etc.

A letter to the inner-critic

Hello judge, hello critic. I hear you, and there is space for your voice to be here too.

I hear you, and I am not you, and I do not need to listen to you.

You say I sound stupid. Okay. I can live with that. I’m still going to write. I’m still going to practice.

You say it’s my fault that my body feels tense, that if anything is wrong it must be my fault. That isn’t true. I will not feel ashamed or guilty. Not today.

You say I gained weight, like that is wrong, or it makes me less worthy. That is bullshit.

And I didn’t finish, fine, fine, fine. This is part of the practice. I’m doing this for myself.

Dear Yael,

Thank you for showing up. Even if it is only for twenty five minutes.

--

--

--

Channeling the chaos of #chronicillness toward creative living. I write (daily?), in 25-minutes spurts. Here to celebrate the process, and the practice.

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

Where do I earn $$$ with my stories? | Rise of the Digital Writing Platforms.

7 Top Tips on Becoming an Author (For Aspiring Writers Everywhere)

FIND THE RIGHT TIME TO WRITE, AND THEN . . .

Reduce social distancing: send letters to your friends

7 Kinds of Conflict That Will Enhance Your Writing

kinds-of-conflict-in-writing

I love books, people who are real and down to earth. Positive energy.

self-torture

Sometimes

Sometimes — Prose — Poetry — Headless Now — Moca McCarty Photo

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Yael Shira

Yael Shira

Channeling the chaos of #chronicillness toward creative living. I write (daily?), in 25-minutes spurts. Here to celebrate the process, and the practice.

More from Medium

Why You Are Not Moving Forward In Life?

A Unique Service Proposal Can Help You Attract High Ticket Clients

Give Up On Your Resolutions Early This Year

Before You Hit “Publish"…