Travel Log, Day 12.
On the Trance of Consumption and indecision
22:00, Saturday evening (or 10pm, as it is written on this side of the ocean). I’m in New York still, and tomorrow I take the train back to Boston. The last few nights I have been staying with friends in the Upper West Side. This weekend they are away and I get to stay here alone for two nights.
It is wonderful to be here.
22:03 I’ve been eating a lot, in short and carb-based bursts. ‘Eating’ implies a relationship with the food, an intention related to ingesting food. Instead let me say: I’ve been consuming a lot, consuming carbs and sugar as I try to process the incessant stream of consumption that is being in the city. I feel overwhelmed by it all, heavy and full and maybe let’s have some chips again maybe let’s watch something on the computer maybe let’s buy this or check that on the phone, I’m caught in the current of consumption that keeps going going going, and
Every time I am in America, I am struck by how Much and how Big and material it all is. The stores keep expanding, and the advertisements are everywhere.
22:12 I don’t know why it takes me so long to do anything. I write slowly. I speak slowly. I like slow. I like simple. I used to think I would always want to live in a city. I like cities.
These days, I think I am too slow and too simple for the city.
I am very okay with this.
22:18 I haven’t been sleeping well or sleeping regularly. Last night I didn’t fall asleep until maybe around 3 or 4, which is how it has been lately.
22:20 I need to pack my things together for tomorrow. Tomorrow I take the train to Boston. I am glad to be going there, and I am also tense before transitions. Soon I will pack. My suitcase is heavier from the things purchased while here. I have too many things. I love and hate things.
22:21 Three more minutes and then
22:22 The screen is addictive
22:22 I’m tired
22:23 I could eat peanut butter and regret it
22:23 I could pack and this would be a good decision
22:23 I could make art. My friend has some wonderful art supplies here, and I recently bought some more art supplies too.
22:24 What makes something a travel log?
22:24 One day I’ll write something that matters.