What Am I Avoiding Right Now?
And can I be present with myself in those moments of distraction?
What am I putting off right now?
- writing this post.
- folding the laundry
- getting ready to leave here
- getting ready to go there
- getting ready for tomorrow
- getting ready for sleep
- brushing my teeth
Things I’m trying right now:
- not pausing the timer
- not checking my email
- not checking my bank statement
- not snacking
- not getting just one more handful of almonds
- not eating almonds and cashews and chocolate in bursts
- not consuming
- not distracting
What am I avoiding?
- Feelings. Anxiety. Fear. Shame (generalized) guilt (unspecified) and responsibility (avoided).
- Anxiety about things changing. Anxiety about packing and forgetting things and where am I going next and what will it be like and will I be able to sleep there?
What am I resisting?
- Writing. Showing up, doing the work, even if it isn’t work yet.
- Packing. Organizing belongings, planning for the next day.
- Change. Transition. Getting things ready to leave, leaving this space, living between spaces. Feeling unsettled.
What am I distracting with?
- Food. Sugar and salt and then again, easy mindless consumption and compulsions.
- Judgment and self shaming. The distraction of self criticism.
- More snacks. Sugar and salt simultaneously, so briefly satisfying before the false hunger cries out again for attention.
- Repetitive thoughts of what I should do , need to do, should and need and need and should and why I’m not doing it the ‘right’ way now
How I feel when I distract myself:
- stuck in a trance, in a pattern, in a self-made trap
- impulsive, addicted.
- ashamed. judgmental.
- avoidant. resistant
- needy. wanting
How I’m learning to be present with myself in those moments:
- I give myself permission to do what I am doing in the moment, without judgment.
- I offer myself compassion. It’s not easy to feel stuck in something you want to change.
- I offer compassion to people in similar situations. I feel empathy.
- I recognize the part of me that needs or craves x right now
- I forgive.
& thats 25 minutes