What story are you re-telling?

and are you ready to let go of the story you knew?

it’s a gradual shedding of selves, an uncovering of the Self that is here beneath the worn-out layers (of stories and ideas and false identities) we clothe ourself with.

sometimes we need that clothing.

sometimes

those layers and labels, they help and protect us. they provide grounding and a framework for understanding what is happening, what to do next.

it is too much to look at our reflection as it is (do we ever really see our reflection as it Is?)

it is too much to see our smallness and hugeness and mystery and contradictions. there’s so much we don’t know, things we can’t control and that which we couldn’t in the past. there’s so many pieces of information, too. and so we see our reflection through filters, perceive through the mind-stories…. and okay. this was a prelude.

staircase of thoughts (thought case?)

What is the story I am re-telling?

there’s manymanymany stories, chose one; What’s alive for you right now?

Food.

(oof.)

the thing about re-telling stories is, you have to be willing to see what you are telling yourself now.

I think this is a story that will take longer than twenty five minutes.

But here is a second prelude, in freewritten associative form:

(when i was a child i was sick and my stomach was sensitive and i was sensitive and this food was a sick feeling and that food too and at home food was complicated my mother she had a sensitive stomach very sensitive to garliconionspicesoilfatmeatcarbssugarlactose and her mother, she was sensitive to food and form to fat people and fitness and everyone a little disordered in eating and so ordered in every way and food forbidden shame and itsyourfaultifyoueatthis all the diets the doctors halfsuggested and the illusionofcontrol and now i am an adult woman who subtly binges and secretlysnacks and the guilt follows every handful of pretzels and food is pleasure too is desiresensual and abundant and creative and social and connecting and nourishing, and

it’s a story in process (in progress), it’s time for a re-telling.